It is something that constantly bothers me for like 5 or 6 years now. Before i started medical school, i never thought about being a doctor. I had multiple ideas concerning languages, music, philosophy or many others, somehow medicine was never one of them.
Both of my parents are doctors, but this factor itself didn’t put me in the feeling that I will actually do the same. In the last class of highschool though i started dating girl from my class, who were planning to study medicine. Somehow, factors put altogether led me to choosing this path.
It was tiring for me from the start of preparation to medical school, i liked biology, but preparing for chemistry literally was nerve wrecking experience for me.
Then i got to the medical school (not at first, but after a year), and from the beginning i had some problems like being nervous, lowered self – esteem, very stressed etc. I had problems with learning, i started to suffer from depression and anxiety, which is still happening, although it is better.
Then i thought it might be coz of wrong school or wrong girl. I Left the girl recently (half a year ago) after over 7 years together.
At first it was better and i thought it will be ok, but then i feel like it is over and over again, with depression, anxiety, not coping with exams etc.
Worth mentioning is the fact, that i failed to pass twice (so 2 years extra failed).
Now I am about to fail the third time, it is possible. I just can’t focus on learning, it upsets me a lot, i do everything to avoid it, procrastination in every possible form, then the last 2 days or so before an exam i stressfully try to learn it.
I can’t fail again, my parents, i can’t do it to them and it is overall just fked up situation.
Medical studies never gave me passion or happiness as you presume, but still leaving it halfway through is somewhat risky.
How would you see this from your point of view?:)
Thank you for replying in advance, and I am kinda sorry for this wall of text, but I felt an utmost need to write it, so i hope you can spare a moment for reading and replying :).
PS. Every time i was about to fail a year or so, i felt kind of relief and joy.
Have a good day 🙂
insideintoit 